Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 January 2009

image for Sales Of Armchairs On Increase On Fulham Road
No more embarrassments for Gladys

Several furniture stores in South London appear to have bucked the current economic trend, and have reported a marked increase in the sales of living room furniture, particularly armchairs and footstools, says a report.

Two stores, Feather & Black and KA International, say that, since Chelsea lost 3-0 to Manchester United at the weekend, sales of armchairs, alone, have risen more than 400% for the time of year, an indication that many of the Stamford Bridge 'faithful' might be losing patience with Luiz Felipe Scolari, and are becoming armchair supporters.

Chelsea fans are currently enduring something of a downturn in the team's fortunes, with the defeat to United, and the surrender of their 86-game unbeaten home run to Liverpool, as well as embarrassing performances against lower-league opposition in Burnley and Southend to dwell upon.

Many have been extremely vocal about Scolari and the way he has changed the team's style of play since he arrived in the summer; some are calling for him to go.

One irate Blues fan, Gladys Mulch, said:

"Mr Mourinho was God. Even Mr Grant had more idea than Scolari does. £800 for a season ticket! What a joke! I've flogged mine and bought a lovely Shackleton's High Seat chair with the dosh."

Another fan uncomfortable with the Brazilian is Mickey Trogg, 41. He said:

"Garbage! Title's gone. Outta the Carling. No chance in the Champions League. If Sarfend turn up tomorrer, our season's finished. Save meself the bovver, 'n' get a nice chair 'n' put me feet up wiv the News of the World on Sunday instead!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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