Written by IainB
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Monday, 12 January 2009

image for Portsmouth abandon Manchester City clash
A really big snowball at Fratton Park

Saturday's Premiership clash between Pompey and Manchester City was abandoned when referee Mike Dean visited Frampton Park ahead of the game and discovered a tribe of Inuit living on the pitch.

The Inuit normally live in Alaska, but had chosen to winter over in the South of England as Alaska was just too warm for them. They had chosen the pitch at Portsmouth due to the similarity between it and the Arctic tundra to which they are used to. Reindeer were tethered to the goal posts and one enterprising individual had opened a fishing hole in the centre circle.

"It was quite remarkable," said Dean, afterwards. "I've seen wart hogs on the pitch on numerous occasions and had to call off matches, but never anything like this. I'm surprised the Skidoos had not damaged the pitch, but it was frozen so solid a jack-hammer wouldn't have made an impression. I normally test a pitch by inserting my keys around the goal-mouth, but on this occasion I wish I hadn't because my car key is now bent, and I'm going to have call the AA. That's Automobile Association before the press accuse me of alcoholism."

Manchester City's superstar, Robinho, was upbeat about the postponement. "I don't like the English winter," said the Brazilian. "Quite often the temperature drops below twenty-five degrees centigrade and I have to wear a snow jacket and gloves. The fans ridicule me when I do this, but it's cold. I have asked the new City owners if they could relocate the club to the Middle East, but apparently there's a really long lease on the stadium."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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