Upton Park - (Offside Mess): George W Bush has waded into the quagmire of British football tragedy and blamed West Ham FC player abstinence policies for Paul Gascoigne's plight.
The 41 year old 57 times England-capped midfielder was notoriously rejected by the London club for failing the George Best gold standard of player inebriation capacities.
He is said to suffer from the same congenital cannabis deficiency that drove the US president into a lifetime commitment of getting hammered 24/7 for his country.
This weekend Bush said that he sympathised with the former Newcastle hell raiser's inability to lay off the sauce.
"Sure, Gazza's put on weight and got a lot Fattah recently," Bush sympathised.
"Hell, I'm thinking of sending in Condi to sort him out."
Yasser Arafat was a lifelong Millwall fan.