Written by matwil
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Wednesday, 31 December 2008

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Britain has high hopes of winning gold at Rubik Cube-solving in 2012

Today the British tiddlywinks gold medal winner, Chris Ahoy, was honoured in the New Year's honours list.

'It's an honour to be honoured', Ahoy said, 'I'm the first Briton since 1899 to win 5 gold medals at tiddlywinks. The Americans can't match that, and neither could the mighty Soviet Union, even with its state-sponsored Komtid organisation. Though me old Mum still thrashes me at the game, no wonder she also got a gong today!'

Other British sporting heroes received MBEs today, including yachtswoman Cher Blyth and paralympic left-handed card dealer Billy Kidd, and of course the 4X4 egg and spoon race team, led by Humphrey Dumpton. And Ted Waddington was given an OBE for his gold at winning beach Monopoly, despite being handicapped by running out of cigarettes during the final.

It's unlikely that Britain will ever have such an impressive Olympic Games as this year's again, but Sir Chris said: 'Well, maybe if they make keepie-uppie a medal event, or Rubik Cube-solving, or even underwater billards, Britain will continue to dominate the Olympic world. But let's hope the organisers don't demean the Games by putting in non-sporting events that any idiot could win, like the 100 metres or the decathlon, or the marathon. I'm learning to ride the unicycle for 2012.'

Barnum and Bailey will be sponsoring the London Games.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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