Written by Onionuttapam
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Thursday, 25 December 2008

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The English cricket team might have gone home after being defeated comprehensively by India in both the one-dayers and test matches, but they can take consolation from the fact that for the first time in its cricketing history, they managed to beat their disparagers - ridiculers, humorists, satirists and stand-up comedians by providing them with very little to ridicule about during their two month stay in India.

'Is this really an English cricket team? No complains about hot curry ruining their intestines! Not a word on heat and dust of the subcontinent affecting their performances! No rants against unruly crowds! No snide remarks! No excuses! Have they completely forgotten that that they are the former rulers of this colony and have Queen-given right to whine about our food, weather, crowds and poor umpiring when they end up finishing on the losing side." exclaimed ex-cricketer Navjot Singh Sidhu jumping up in the chair in excitement to compensate for the lack of entertainment provided by the pommies.

Its not that the English cricketers were not provided with enough opportunities to display their legendary whining and complaining abilities. Terrorists struck the city of Mumbai right in the middle of the tour giving them full opportunity to panic and leave the tour in a huff midway. The pommies did depart for their home country for few days, but shocked their detractors by coming back for the test series and playing out the rest of the series in a calm and dignified manner wholly unnatural to the way they usually play when they are not winning.

"No chicken shit running scared pommie after a major terror attack is a modern miracle. I'm appalled that not a single English player decided to stay back citing security concerns. Was is it the lure of IPL money that ensured that every player in their team took a flight back to India? Its absolutely shocking that the enticement of easy money has corrupted the very soul of fearful and excuse-seeking English players and made them well-behaved, disciplined strivers" remarked ex-opener Sunil Gavaskar.

"Getting defeated by world number two team is nothing to feel ashamed about. This team should be very proud of itself that unlike previous English teams touring the sub-continent, they didn't allow spicy curry, chicken tikka, chaat, alloo tikka, pollution, contaminated water, rats and cockroaches in hotel rooms, noisy crowds, hot weather or bad umpiring to defeat them. We are seeing the evolution of English Cricket. From bad losers they are evolving to agreeable losers!" added Gavaskar

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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