Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 24 December 2008

image for Droylsden to be thrown out of the FA Cup for ineptitude
Droylsden's usual attendance

Masters of the inept, Conference North outfit Droylsden FC are to be thrown out of the FA Cup despite their recent heroics for fielding an ineligible player.

Droylsden were in the third round of the prestigious cup and set to play Chesterfield when a series of bizarre and downright farcical events took place.

The first game, played at Chesterfield was abandoned midway through despite Droylsden winning 1-0. This left Manager/Chairman/Owner/Moonface, Dave Pace, hopping mad, as he thought the game should have gone ahead.

"Admittedly it was a tad foggy, but it was playable." said Pace. "If I could have found the referee I would have told him so. But I couldn't so he got away with calling the game off. I did try following his whistle, but it was no good."

The rescheduled match, too, was mired in controversy when a Chesterfield lobbed Droylsden's keeper instead of returning the ball after it had been played out for a foul. After Pace had threatened the Chesterfield manager, his wife and all future children for seven generations, Lee Richardson conceded and allowed Droylsden a walk in. The game finished 2-2.

"It's only the sporting thing to do," said Pace, when he had calmed down some days later.

This meant that there was a replay. The evening came, and the FA had loaned Droylsden expensive frost covers to ensure the game went ahead. Droylsden were battered for seventy minutes, and Chesterfield had a deserved two goal lead when the lights went out. The game had to be abandoned.

"It was a fluke, honest!" said Pace, hiding a large bunch of wires under his coat. "We've been having problems for days with them going on and off. It's been like a disco around here." Pace hurriedly hid the poster advertising a disco at the Butchers Arms social club.

There was no choice but to replay the replay, and this time the game went without a hitch, except from Richardson's point of view, when the game finished Droylsden 2, Chesterfield 1.

"Khama's a bitch," said Richardson, "and Pace will find that out."

And he did. Less than 24 hours after celebrating, Droylsden were brought back down to earth with the news that Sean Newton should have been suspended for the game following an accumulation of five yellow cards, but had played, and scored both goals.

FA spokesman, Martin Useless, had this to say: "Droylsden were informed of the suspension following proper procedure, and the information was available on our web site, clearly indicating [Newton] was ineligible to play. Why they played him I don't know."

Pace was tracked down to a pub and asked for his thoughts, but the reporter that was sent has not returned. The Spoof are worried for his safety.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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