Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 20 December 2008

image for Hull City In Panic As Mark Lawrenson Tips Them To Win
Lawrenson? You might as well ask your Grannie

Premier League newboys, Hull City, are in crisis this morning after it emerged that football pundit, Mark Lawrenson, had tipped them to win today in his weekly predictions.

Lawrenson, once of Liverpool, now of ill-fitting, unfashionable knitwear and cheap shirts, has predicted week-after-week that the Tigers would lose, and this, believes Hull boss Phil Brown, has been the secret to their success.

Now, however, with 'Lawro' forecasting a 2-0 win for Hull over Sunderland, the Tigers' confidence has deserted them, and the team held an emergency meeting at the KC Stadium last night, claiming that the so-called 'expert' had deliberately put a Jonah on them.

Manager Brown said:

"He's been tipping us to get beat every week, with the result that we've usually done well. Now he says we're going to win, we're really worried about Sunderland, because Lawro always gets it wrong!"

Speaking from the luxury of a BBC sofa, Lawrenson said:

"Exactly. I mean, eh? Yes, obviously. What?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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