Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 8 December 2008

image for Morten Andersen Quits Due To Lack Of Bacon
Andersen clings on to a pigs bladder

The Atlanta Falcons' kicker, Morten Andersen, the NFL's all-time leading scorer, has retired at the age of 48, an early casualty of the Irish Pork Crisis.

The Danish kicker, who scored 2,544 points in a 25-year career, played for Atlanta in the past two seasons but is concerned that the crisis in Ireland, where pigs have refused to eat their dinners, will result in a shortage pf pigs and, therefore, bacon.

Being Danish, Andersen loves his bacon, and a lack of bacon in his diet would eventually render him immobile. An NFL kicker can't function without his mobility, and the decision to quit was not a difficult one for the porkless 48-year-old.

Andersen, who counts the Super Bowl appearance against the Denver Broncos in 1999, as the greatest moment in his career, said:

"Jeg elske bacon. Selv om den pigs lad være indtage deres middage , jeg skal lægge op. Hallo!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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