Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 8 December 2008

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A Ram with no horns

Derby County Football Club, who were relegated from the Premier League last season, are still the worst-ever team to have played in the top flight, after West Bromwich Albion drew 1-1 with Portsmouth on Sunday, and surpassed the Rams' record-lowest total of 11 points.

Derby, 2007-2008's whipping boys of the Premier League, haven't fared much better this term, although they did manage to beat Stoke last week in the Carling Cup quarter-final.

The Rams have persisted with manager Paul Jewell, who successfully made the team a laughing stock after taking over from former boss Billy Davies. A shaky start to the season cost Davies his job, but Jewell proceeded to destroy the club by making signing after signing of useless players who were never going to be good enough to keep Derby up.

The tremendous support the Rams have always depended on, has, for the most part, been extremely patient with Jewell, but this morning, as they loiter just above the relegation zone in 16th position, fans are becoming restless once more, and a New Year resolution of the manager problem could be in the offing.

One fan, John Broom, 78, who was at the Baseball Ground when Derby won the First Division title in 1972 and again in 1975, said:

"It's a good job Cloughie isn't around to see the state of the club! It'd be enough to kill him, if he wasn't already dead!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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