A Nurse at the emergency room that treated New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress has revealed anonymously that he shot off his penis in the night club accident Thanksgiving weekend. Burress has been placed on injured reserve by the team pending a full legal and league investigation into the shooting.
"When we cut his pants off, he had a four inch piece of severed penis in his bloody shorts. I guess that the gun was pointed in just the right direct to castrate him."
A Jewish doctor, who also requested anonymity, said that "this was either a bad job of Bobbitizing yourself or the biggest circumcision I've ever seen."
The NFL star, who scored the winning touchdown for his team in the most recent Super Bowl, has been arrested on felony gun charges (possession, illegally discharging a weapon, concealed weapon, etc.) and is currently serving in a prison hospital.
The doctor also admitted that "surgery was not fully successful to reattach the severed member. We had to sew it on backwards. Now, in addition to Mr. Burress being a screw up, that will also be the only direction he can go."
No one from the team (coaches, officials, or players) was willing to make a statement. One of the Giants cheerleaders, however, offered the following: "Plaxico was alway famous for his gun going off a little early, if you know what I mean, so most of us girls didn't really hang around him too much. I guess he went from premature ejaculation to premature castration."