Written by Rust Never Sleeps

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Wednesday, 3 December 2008

CONTROVERSY surrounds the decision by the England cricket squad to abandon their Indian tour after fears were raised for their safety.

The series started badly when Ryan "Runny" Sidebottom was ruled out of the rest of the tour due to sustaining a sphincter strain after tackling a Chicken Bangalore Phal at the opening "test" at the 'Bombay Lounge' in Manchester.

Rectal injuries to Paul Collingwood and Samit Patel, after consuming vindaloos at the 'Viceroy' in Rochdale, led the English management team to question whether the tour should continue.

A weakened side was put out at the 'Rise Of The Raj' in Accrington - and they were put to the sword as Freddie Flintoff fell victim to a particularly nasty Balti.

After losing four key members of the squad it was felt that it was unsafe to continue the tour, leading to compensation claims from the 'Golden Turban' in Burnley and the 'Spice House' in Mytholmroyd, both of whom had reported sell-outs in anticipation of the England team dining there.

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