Every year there is fierce competition in the contest for the world's greatest footballers ball. Contestants adopt exotic diets, fiddle with herbs and practice arcane massage techniques alone and in groups. Gold, silver and lead are the symbolic metals assigned to the top testicles in the contest for the best bullocks.
Judges measure, weigh and sonogram the specimems in the quest for the cajones mejores. Size matters to be sure but shape, texture and firmness cannot be ignored. Ball watchers remember the famous 1929 upset when Jose Luis "Pelotas De Toro" Cabron, the clear champion allowed size to outreach the not "too hard, not too soft" paradigm of the gold ball ideal. Juan " Huevos Rancheros" Gallo took the crown.
This year Liverpuddlian, Fernando Torres fell short in size and texture and was awarded the lead ball. Silver went to Barcelona's Lionel Messi for his all around fine testicles. But the gold ball belonged to UMan's Cristiano Ronaldo. Judge Thomas " Teabag" Tetley summed it up best:
" UMan's RC, when it comes to testicle, is a real Man, just the right texture, firm as the earth beneath our feet and a veritable formidable shape and size! The fact that he has only one ball should not be held against him. His one ball won him the gold ball of 2008!!"