Written by Rodd Justice
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Topics: Olympics, Mike Tyson

Monday, 14 January 2002

Next year's Extreme Olympiad, the major event in the calendar of all extreme sports enthusiasts, is set to be the most extreme yet. It's a big celebration of the extreme culture that has gripped the youth market in the USA - and extreme is the name of the game!

A comprehensive line-up of sports representing All-American extremism have been included. Even the venue is extreme - South Central Los Angeles is a potentially explosive place to hold these events. Tournament organisers believe no extra security will be required for the white-trash participants, even in the new "Compton Gun-Running" event.

Other new events in the schedule include "Extreme Politix", which organisers hope will be controversial enough to make the evening news shows in the US. Different political groups will be judged in the style of ice-skating or synchronised swimming. The criteria are:

  1. Unfeasibility of racial ideology;
  2. Quantity of weaponry;
  3. Internet presence;
  4. Costume design.

Based upon these criteria, the Ku Klux Klan are obvious favourites, but the American government might give them a run for their money. Television networks have been warming to the idea of the Extreme Olympiad. Some are already planning extreme schedules to coincide with the event. CNN hopes to make an extreme week of programming, with one anchor-man padding for an extreme 100 hours straight.

The major networks hope to show extremely violent programmes such as "Married With No Children: Al Bundy Has Just Bludgeoned Them to Death" and "Ladies Man Mike Tyson". Other shows are going to be extremely bad, but that is no change from normal.

It seems as though the whole of America is set to enjoy the week long celebration of extreme culture. By the time this event has finished, then extreme sports may have the credibility it so badly deserves.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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