Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 30 November 2008

image for Leeds United Almost Beat Histon Of The Blue Square Premier League

Leeds United, the once-great all-conquering heroes of European football, continued their long tradition of becoming giant-killing victims today, when, in the 2nd round, they travelled to Histon FC of the Blue Square Premier League, and so very nearly toppled them!

More than 50,000 Leeds fans made the trip to Cambridgeshire, though the reason for this is not known, as the tiny Glass World stadium at Impington holds only 3,800.

In a game played in wintry conditions, Histon took control straight from the start, and after some near misses, Matthew Langston, the Histon postman, delivered a crushing blow just before half-time.

The Yorkshire side huffed and puffed, but could not blow Histon down, though the defeat will have come as no surprise to Whites fans, who saw their heroes lose to Northampton last week. Indeed, Leeds have a distinguished record of being made to look like idiots in the Cup.

Back in 1971, they were humbled 3-2 by Colchester United in the 5th round, and against Wimbledon in 1975, Leeds needed two matches to overcome the then non-league side, eventually scraping through with the help of a deflected own goal.

It was as recently as 2001 when United appeared in a Champions League semi-final, and this latest embarrassment is surely their greatest yet.

Leeds fan of more than 40 years, John Dipstick, said:

"Histon were worthy winners. We had a good go at them, but they were too strong, and wanted the victory more."

Another United supporter, Ted Scrawn, told us:

"It were embarrassin'. Tha'll 'ave t'excuse me. Am off to do violence! Super Whites!"

Leeds fans need not feel ashamed though; Histon have risen steadily thrpugh the non-league ranks during recent years, and currently sit 2nd in the BSPL. Indeed, should the Yorkshiremen have a sudden dip in form, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that these two teams could be playing each other in a League match next season.

Leeds' next match: Saturday December 6th

Tranmere Rovers v. Leeds United (kick off 3pm)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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