In a speech just before bedtime last night, London Mayor, Boris Johnson, told his wife that preparations for the London 2012 Olympics had been completed, and that, if necessary, the Games could go ahead as early as "next week".
Johnson was speaking from his bathroom whilst taking a crap, and told his lovely wife, Marina, that everything had fallen swimmingly into place, and that the organising committee had said the capital was ready to accept the 'bloody foreigners'.
The Mayor told his wife that the biggest undertaking - the marathon course - had been finished "for weeks", and that the site of the rowing events, the River Thames, was "as ready as it will ever be!".
Another one of the big jobs already finished is the provision of breathable air, and despite earlier problems, the air around London is now said to be "20 times less toxic than that in Beijing", which is a relief, I think.
The London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games (LOCOG) is responsible for preparing and staging the 2012 London Olympic Games, and its leader, Sir Sebastian & Co., informed Mayor Johnson this week that preparations were well ahead of schedule.
Said mop-haired Johnson:
"We've just got to get those dashed athletes up-to-scratch now."