Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 26 November 2008

image for Wayne Rooney Apologises For Using Cristiano Ronaldo's Boots
The referee's business card

Wayne Rooney, the Manchester United and England star at the centre of 'Diving' allegations in last night's Champions League match with Villarreal, has apologised for the dive, giving the excuse that he mistakenly wore a pair of boots belonging to his Portuguese team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo.

Rooney could not find his own boots in the dressing-room before the game, the other players having hidden them whilst he was having a large dump, and the only others he could find, were a spare pair of Ronaldo's.

No sooner had Rooney taken to the pitch, however, than he realised he had made a gross error, theatrically tumbling this way and that, for no apparent reason.

When the game eventually got underway, the striker fared no better, skating, sliding, dropping like a stone and diving majestically into mid-air at the slightest touch from opponents, until a non-challenge from Villarreal's Fabricio Fuentes saw Rooney plunge to the floor to try and conjure a penalty from the referee Nodi Ving. In vain.

Later, Rooney apologised to manager Alex Ferguson and explained about the boots:

"I'm er sorry. I er put er Cris er tiano's er boots er on er and er I could er n't stop er falling er down. Er."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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