Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 24 November 2008

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Adams (I think)

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has acted swiftly to fill the captain's position after the farcical William Gallas shenanigans last week, by installing Portsmouth manager Tony Adams as skipper.

Adams played for the Gunners for his entire career from 1983-2002 making 668 appearances, and captained the side from January 1988 onwards.

The only blemish on an otherwise perfect career, came in 1990 when, having drunk enough amber nectar to have sedated a herd of wildebeeste, Adams crashed his Sierra into a wall near his home in Southend, and was later jailed for four months.

After being released, his 'beering' continued, and he was involved in various other alco-incidents, and played through a match during the 1993-94 season despite being hungover.

In another incident, he let off fire extinguishers in a Pizza Hut with Ray 'Pizza' Parlour when the pair received the wrong toppings. He was also the first Arsenal captain to play through the season whilst being inebriated from August until May.

Wenger stripped countryman Gallas of the captaincy last weekend after the player spoke openly about the state of the Arsenal dressing-room, and criticised Wenger's tactics and team selection.

A minor problem about Adams' new captaincy role, may be the small matter that he is still the manager at Fratton Park, but Wenger has had assurances that the ex-England international could easily do both jobs at once.

Said Wenger today:

"I 'ave confidence in 'im. He told me he could do the Porstmouth job whilst pissed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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