Written by Jonny Taff
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Wednesday, 19 November 2008

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South African blindside flanker Juan Smith is reportedly on the verge of signing the biggest deal in Springbok history.

The player, currently bumming around with the Cheetahs, has opened talks with Italian side Viadana about a possible move that would net him six hundred and fifty rand a year(well over forty one pounds); a figure that is more than four times his current wage.

News of the impending move has split the nation's rugby fans into three halves: those who wish their countryman well, those who want to eat him and those who refused to believe that there was a world outside of the High Veldt.

Avid Cheetahs fan Pervy Biltong was visibly distraught outside the side's sandpit this morning. Through medium rare, salty tears he cried: "I can't believe it, eh. I thought he loved us mate. Turns out he was only using us until he got his big break. Do you want to be my friend?"

On the other side of the sandpit there were scenes of elation as hordes of fans carried banners and placards saying "Good on you, millionaire Juan" and "Now We Know It's Christmas", while some walked around in a daze uttering things like "Italy, eh? I didn't even know he had a boat."

Cheetahs spokesman, Ruudy Ruudy HellMeit has called for calm on the matter. "Listen boet," he said. "Who wouldn't go for that kind of money? I mean, it shows us Saffers are about to start milking it on the big stage. Besides, with the nine hundred rand the club will receive, we will be able to build a brand new state-of-the-art stadium featuring grass, an exercise mule and nearly three parking spaces, just in case the money doesn't stop. We'll be the envy of the world, eh?"

Juan Smith was unavailable for comment yesterday as he had spent all day brushing up on his French but one thing's for sure - whether or not his fans think it's a good move, SA's newest entrant on the rich list will consider himself a very lucky man indeed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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