Written by John Liang
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Wednesday, 19 November 2008

image for Mike Singletary (actually) wears pants on team
Balrog from streetfighter or Mike Singletary

Asked why his team has played increasingly well the past 2 weeks, San Francisco running back Frank Gore said that it's the image of Coach Mike Singletary dropping his pants that keeps everyone motivated.

"That really woke us up," Gore said of the 49er's new coach. "That guy is crazy pissed off. If you saw his thighs man, you'd be scared too. I mean you know like Balrog in Streetfighter, His thigh's are like that. And he looks like him too. Simply put - No one wants to be kicked in the head by that guy."

"Oh and I know it's supposed to stay in the locker room," said Gore conspiratorially, "but briefs man. Briefs."

Tight End Vernon Davis who caught his second touchdown, after catching his first of the season last week, concurred. "Everyone's scared man" I mean when he sent me to the showers early during the Seattle game, on my way to the locker room, I kept thinking about whether he was gonna destroy my car with a sledge hammer or something- you know crazy irrational stuff like that. You just don't know with him. You see the way he puts his hands on his knees and stares ahead like an unfocussed madman. No one knows if he knows what's going on or is just faking it, or is just pissed."

On asked if he felt like a scapegoat. Davis commented - "No, I mean someone's got to be the scapegoat. That's the point isn't it? I'm just glad he didn't break my head."

Serving as the fodder for late night talk shows and football analysts across the nation, Mike Singletary's surprising pants dropping maneuver has been the object of much head scratching. But apparently that stunt is working wonders for the 49'ers. San Francisco came within a yard and a half of beating first place Arizona in week 10, and handily beat St Louis in week 11.

"The guys are motivated" Ram's offensive coordinator Mike Martz said. "Heck I'm motivated. In fact he's opened my eyes. I used to think that winning was about "out geniusing" your opponent with fancy plays and stuff. But you know today's players aren't interested in savvy strategies, and they've heard all the motivational speeches in the world, What you got to do is to throw them for a loop, inject an undercurrent or threat of something. Keep em' on their toes. And it works. Have you seen the size of (Singletary's) thighs?"

After the Arizona game in which San Francisco lost when they were stopped on a last second running play to Michael Robinson at the Cardinal 2 yard line, Singletary was asked why the 49'ers called that play instead of calling a pass or a run that utilized Frank Gore: "I think Coach Martz thought there would be a cavity inside", Singletary said. In other words it was Martz's call. Martz - asked if he felt thrown under the bus by Singletary, surprisingly answered "yes." But it wasn't all bad. "I also feel I needed a little scare in me as well. But mainly I'm just glad he didn't do anything to my car."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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