Written by Charlie D. Nowhere
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Topics: Basketball, Lakers

Thursday, 6 November 2008

The National Basketball Association Commissioner, David Stern, announced today the 2008-2009 season will be cut short and the Larry O'Brien trophy will be given to the Los Angeles Lakers.

To make up the loss to fans and players alike the rest of the teams will be reenacting what this season might have been like if the Lakers weren't so damned good in an off-Broadway musical called "God, Please Kill Kobe."

"They (the Lakers) were obviously too good," said Stern, "we didn't want that team to embarrass the rest of the league. We're still going to perform but on a different stage."

Indeed the season got underway to a disappointing start for everyone except the Lakers and their fans.

In the season opener the Portland Trailblazers were humiliated by the Lakers who at one point had only Kobe Bryant on the floor as he went on a 10-0 run. Then they gave the star a rest and subbed in his wife and she went on an 8-0 run.

It was all down hill for the next three teams they played.

"I may never dribble a ball again," lamented Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic, "I may just stick to musicals. Those guys are just so good. They made me feel like a blind kid on a jungle gym."

In the game that forced the commissioner's hand, the Lakers weren't even in the building when they beat the Los Angeles Clippers 101-94 in a game that would prove to be closest on the season for the Lakers.

For Lakers' fans David Stern is compiling a highlights compilation that is said to be fifty-two hours long and will be shown in a continuous loop on the side of the Great Pyramid of Giza for all eternity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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