Written by Ron Baxter
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Friday, 7 November 2008

Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard has revealed his desire to compete as a member of the British team at the London 2012 Olympic Games.

During the post-match press conference following Liverpool's 1-1 draw with Atlético Madrid in the Champions League, the 26 year-old was faced with questions not only on the game, but the possibility of representing his country at the next Olympiad.

In response, Gerrard confirmed that he had been approached after the game by Alistair Grey, the new chairman of British Swimming, which is the organisation responsible for national call-ups to represent Britain at international events.

Grey was spotted in the stands as Gerrard executed an extremely neat reverse 3 1/2 somersault with 1/2 twist with just seconds to spare before the end of the clash between the two teams at Anfield, resulting in the award of a penalty.

After coming up and regaining his breath, Gerrard shook himself off and cooly dispatched the spotkick much to the despair of the Spaniards who voiced their feelings to the adjudicator.

Martin Hansson, one of Sweden's top officials, reportedly went into the Atlético changing rooms after the match to explain his verdict on the incident. Word of the 'Pool has it that the dive was so technically perfect that it was impossible for there to have been any other outcome and that this is what was said to the visiting team. ITV's Top Football Pundit, Andy Townsend, said it was the best dive he had ever seen by an Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, or indeed, Scotsman.

When asked about it at the post-match press conference, Gerrard said the following:

"Teams from the continent are traditionally much more adept divers than British ones", he said, "they've been at it for years, so that's something we've been working on in training. I got a few of the Spanish lads to give me some tips and seems as if it has paid off. It's good to know we can now compete at the same level as them.

"It's also good to know I've got that chance of competing in another international tournament again. I failed to get through qualifying for the last one but I had a chat with Mr Grey after the game and he said he thinks I'd bring another dimension to the Olympic setup."

For those of you who are interested, the Official LFC Merchandise Store is now selling "Steevie G's Stringy Speedos" for £6.99 a pair. Goggles cost an additional £1.99.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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