Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 3 November 2008

image for Ashley Cole Ruled Out With Calf Injury
It must have struggled...

Chelsea defender Ashley Cole has been ruled out for up to 10 days after sustaining a calf injury after his side's 5-0 win over Sunderland.

Cole had gone to a local farm to 'relax' after the game, and had decided to 'look at' the young calves in a secluded barn. He had only been there for about twenty minutes, however, when the farm's owner, Roger Sheep, heard a cry so shrill, he thought he had better alert the emergency services.

The farmer told me:

"I heard groaning for about twenty minutes, then a high-pitched yelp. At first, I didn't know if it was the calf or Mr Cole, but when I entered the barn, it was in a right old state. The calf had obviously put up some considerable resistance."

Cole is married to the Girls Aloud singer and X-Factor judge, Cheryl, but the pair have experienced matrimonial difficulties of late,amid claims that the Chelsea defender has been playing away a lot.

The romantic encounter down on the farm means he will now miss Chelsea's trip to the romantic city of Rome for their Champions League clash with Roma on Tuesday.

Said the shocked farmer:

"He's usually so quiet. One of my best customers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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