Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 3 November 2008

image for Paula Radcliffe In Trouble With Queen Over Union Jack Nose-Wiping Incident
Radcliffe's hanky

British marathon runner, Paula Radcliffe, is in deepest shit this morning, after it was revealed Her Majesty the Queen had ordered the runner to Buckingham Palace for 'an audience' following Radcliffe's New York Marathon win yesterday.

The row broke when Radcliffe came through the finishing tape and, draped in a Union Jack flag, picked up her young daughter, Isla, who is almost 2, and wiped snot from the toddler's nose with it, as well as some slavver dribbling from her mouth.

The Queen, watching on TV, was not amused.

Sources at the Palace told, today, how the Queen was severely irked at the Monaco-based tax exile's disrespectful and traitorous use of the the flag, the 'everlasting symbol of Britishness'.

She was, they say, livid.

It's a major faux-pas for Radcliffe, who had just recovered from a two-month crying bout during the race, and is now almost certain to continue sobbing uncontrollably until the next Olympics, presumably into something else inappropriate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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