Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Joey Barton To Become A Model For Kids

Joey Barton, the Newcastle United player just nicely out of prison, has said in an interview that he wants to re-invent himself, and would like to become a shining example to youngsters.

Controversial midfielder Barton, 26, hopes he can transform his reputation by becoming a model.

Kevin Keegan, the player's former Probation Officer, believes Barton has what it takes to make it in the world of high fashion for kids. He has a Basin Cut - a hairstyle often seen on kids in Liverpool - as well as smashed-in teeth, squinty eyes and is 3 feet 6 inches tall - the optimum height for a child model.

Keegan, who left Newcastle recently after claiming owner Mike Ashley "wasn't much to look at", spoke highly of Barton when he told TheSpoof.com reporter Jesus Budda:

"Ashley's almost as fat as you are, and very nearly as stupid! What most kids really need these days, is for someone like Joey Barton to set a fine example. If he can mend his ways, mend his teeth, and get a decent haircut, he might just be able to become half-normal, and in his case, that would be phenomenal."

Ex-Manchester City players Ousmane Dabo, who had his face caved-in by Barton, and Jamie Tandy, who had a lighted cigar stubbed-out in his eye by Barton, both agreed that the fiery midfielder would be a 'raging success' on the catwalk, as Barton crouched over them, ready to snap their necks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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