DALLAS, Texas - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was fit to be tied after his Cowboys team lost another game. The Cowboys who are playing without their starting quarterback Tony Romo lost to the St. Louis Rams 34 to 14.
The Rams entered the game at (1-4). Terry Bradshaw of Fox Sports interviewed Jones after the game and asked him, "Jerry what in the world is wrong with your team?" Jones replied, "Terry, it beats the hell out of me. I have no idea why my team is playing so badly...one thing I do know is that we can't blame the loss on Jessica Simpson."
Terry then said, "Mr. Jones, it seems to me that the 'boys' just do not seem to have that driving spirit that every team needs in order to win." Jones replied "Damnit Terry, you have hit the damn nail on the damn head." "And Mr. Jones" Terry added, "I think that some of the blame has to fall on the coaching staff as well." Jones looked at him and said, "Damnit Terry, you have just gone and hit the damn nail on the damn head again." Terry laughed and said, "You Know Jer...this old Louisiana boy is one damn good damn nail head hitter from way back...and I do mean way back."
Terry then told Jones that in his humble opinion that it just seems like the Cowboys are not giving it their full 100%. Jones looked at him, hugged him, and said, "Damnit Terry..." and Terry interrupted, "I know, I have just gone and hit the damn nail on the damn head again, huh?" "Yes sir!" Jones replied. "And Terry, I'm gonna let you in on a little scope. You are correct regarding that percentage statement and in my opinon, I think that the percentage that my players are playing at is 90%."
Jones continued, "Well let me tell ya Terry, a few minutes before the game ended I called up my payroll director and I instructed her to withhold 10% from each and every player's next weekly paycheck? Terry looked astounded and said, "Jerry I have never in my life heard of such a monetary decision regarding the player's payroll." "Well Terry, I really have no choice...I have to do something to motivate my players or else we'll all be watching the playoffs from our houses like the (0-6) Detroit Lions and the (0-7) Cincinnati Bengals are probably gonna be doing."
Terry smiled and said, "I hear ya Jerry...just don't cut down my Pittsburgh Steelers or else I'll have to step on your $7,000 Cowboys boots." Jones laughed and then he said, "Terry let me let you in on another little secret. For the past few weeks I have been in secret talks with the Coventry, England City Council. I have spoken to them about the possibility of perhaps moving the Cowboys to Coventry and playing as The Coventry Cowboys."
Terry was amazed, "Mr. Jones, you are kiddin' me." "No, I'm not Terry, I am serious. Coventry is the ninth largest city in England and it is located less than 100 miles from London, everybody speaks English, they all eat English muffins, they all know the American football rules, and I am sure that all the English males sure would like watching the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders jumping around and bending over in those tiny little painted on-looking short shorts." Terry grinned and said, "I cannot argue with you on that one sir. Tell me Jerry where would you play the games?" And Jones replied, "The Coventry Cowboys would play in, and don't laugh now, but they would be playing in Butts Park Arena."
"What?" Terry exclaimed. "I know, I know," Jones remarked, "but Terry, Butts Park Arena which is home to the Coventry R.F.C. rugby team has a capacity of about 3,000 fans. But the way I see it, I know that I can easily sell my new $1 billion dollar stadium in Dallas to Mark Cuban and I will take that money and I will use it to expand Butts Park Arena to hold 65,000 fans."
Terry shook his head and said, "Mr. Jones...but you are gonna change the arena's name right?" "And Jones replied, "Are you crazy, I'm not about to cross that big old pond and go over there and start making trouble with the wonderful English people by changing this and changing that...so the name Butts Park Arena will not change.
But now, and no pun intended, since I do plan to make the arena about 20 times bigger, I may just add the word 'Big' to the name...'The Big Butts Park Arena.'" " So Cheerio to you Terry." "And Wheaties to you Jerry."
(This disclaimer supersedes any previous disclaimer)