Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 14 October 2008

image for England Ready For Belarus Onslaught
"You are bloody English! You...bloody Bobby Charlton! You Margaret Tatcher English!

After last weekend's controversial booing scenes at Wembley during their World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan, England are bracing themselves for a similar onslaught of jeering from a partisan crowd in Minsk tomorrow night.

England take on the minnows of Belarus, who, despite being rubbish footballers, are no slouches when it comes to Booing.

Fabio Capello has left out Ashley Cole after he buckled under the pressure of Saturday's abuse, and has warned his players to prepare themselves for some of the most annoying and concerted jeering they will have come across at any time during their careers.

Belarus may only be rated as 59th in the FIFA rankings, but in the FIFA Jeering standings, they are currently ranked 3rd. England have it all to do if they are to emerge from the game unhurt by the fierce barracking they are bound to encounter from the capacity 6,000 crowd.

England captain for the match, Rio Ferdinand, was resolute as he said:

"It's going to be a cauldron of name-calling, booing and nigger-baiting, but we're prepared for it. These people are animals, just like our own fans, so it's not as if we're not used to it. Like my mum used to tell me, 'just turn the other cheek'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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