Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 8 October 2008

image for West Ham In The Shit
West Ham: in it

West Ham United, are in the Financial Brown Stuff this morning, after it was revealed that their Icelandic bankers, Landsbanki, had gone into receivership on Tuesday.

The Hammers, who were once led by 1966 World Cup-winning captain Bobby Moore, are about to go through the biggest crisis in the club's 113-year history, as they will face being offered up for sale to the highest bidder, and there won't be many of those.

Icelandic owner Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson said that the club will not be able to buy any new players in the January transfer window, fuelling specualtion of the sale.

They could face the ultimate embarrassment of being offered at a Car Boot Sale if there are no takers.

Vice chairman Ausgeir Fridgeirsson told TheSpoof:

"My namne is extremely difficult to spell, and that may well put bidders off. But Russian owners like Romantil Abramovichersson and, indeed, Saudi Arabian owners such as the Abu Graib United Group, also have funny names, and they are no easier to spell, so interested parties should not be distracted by that."

West Ham appeared to seal their fate recently, when they appointed Gianfranco Zola as their manager, when an easier-to-spell English boss would have been entirely capable of taking them down to the Championship, where their future surely lies.

It's not the first time that West Ham have been in the shit.

Just last week, the club was hit with a £30million damages ruling after it was found guilty of 'shenanigans' in the Carlos Tevez/Manchester United/Sheffield United/relegation/cheating scandal debacle.

Prior to this, the club's shirt sponsor, XL, went bust, and last December, the then-chairman, Eggert Magnússon, decided that West Ham were so shit, he couldn't be associated with the Hammers any longer, and gave his 5% stake to Mr Gudmundsley, or whatever.

The Hammers next Premier League match is against Hull City at the KC Stadium on 19th October, WHEN THEY REALLY WILL BE IN THE SHIT!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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