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Monday, 6 October 2008

image for Wisconsin Marching Band Suspended Indefinitely
Badger Sex Outlawed?!?

Madison, Wisconsin (Daily Badger Staff Reporter) - The University of Wisconsin marching band has been disbanded indefinitely due to "extracurricular conduct unbecoming a marching band".

Prior to Saturday night's matchup versus Big Ten football rival Ohio State, the entire group was suspended when campus police detained several members for unspecified "sexual and/or orgiastic activities".

While details are sketchy and the identities of the accused are withheld, authorities have confirmed involvement by the following positions: ten trumpeters, nine flautists, eight clarinettists, seven piccolos, six saxophonists, five trombonists, four xylophonists, three tuba players, two triangle players and a drum major.

Notably, the mascot of the University of Wisconsin is the American Badger (scientific name Taxidea taxus). Badgers are expert diggers and are capable of digging themselves out of trouble very fast. If cornered, they demonstrate fierce fighting skills. This may help to explain a solitary lifestyle in which males and females mate in late summer only.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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