Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 4 October 2008

image for Sol Campbell Forms 'White Underpants Society'
Sol's white underpants

Sol Campbell, the much-abused black footballer, this morning made an astonishing announcement to the media, in which he said that, despite being black, he always wears white underpants for games.

The statement, on the Portsmouth website, reveals Sol has set up the White Underpants Society, to fight racist and homphobic discrimination in football.

The underlying message, however, is seen as an impassioned plea to supporters everywhere to leave him alone to concentrate on his game, after the 'horrific abuse' he suffered at the hands of Spurs fans last weekend at Fratton Park.

In scenes not seen since the 1970s, the ex-Spurs, Arsenal and England defender was subjected to a torrent of racialistic and homosexualist verbalness, including terms such as "darkie" and "Sambo", and the ultra-offensive "poofter".

Police analysing video footage of a section of the ground where more than 6000 Spurs fans were chanting, say their annual overtime budget has now been spent, and are ready to call a halt to their investigations.

Campbell claims in his statement, that he always wears white underpants when he goes out onto the pitch, to show that he, himself, is not racist, and that he has no prejudice at all against white people. He says:

"I'm not a racist. I got no problem with them white boys. To show I'm serious about this, I formed The White Underpants Society as a symbol of purity we should be striving for in football. I ain't a bender either."

And ex-Spurs boggle-eyed 'BBC man', Garth Crooks, said dramatically:

"Sol has my full support. He's fighting the National Front, with his Y-Fronts."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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