Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 6 October 2008

image for Celtic And Rangers Put Troubled Past Behind Them
One religion everyone understands

Glasgow Celtic and Glasgow Rangers football clubs, known as The Old Firm, have announced today that they are to put their differences aside, in a bid to form a new long-reaching alliance for the better of Scottish football, and for Scotland in general.

The two sides have endured a long and bitter struggle for as long as anyone in Scotland can remember, which isn't very long actually, seeing as nearly everyone is blathered most of the time.

Rangers support derives predominantly from the Protestant community, whereas that of Celtic is made up mainly of those with an association with the Catholic faith. There have been many instances of political and religious tetchiness over the years, with many a handbag being thrown in the name of God.

Executives at both clubs, however, have said they will now come together for a historic meeting to thrash out a Peace Plan which will unite fans, and bring sentiment back to what it was at the time of the first Old Firm derby in 1888, when a newspaper article reported that players and fans:

"got on so well that you would believe that they were old firm friends."

Initial plans include clamping down on the singing of sectarian songs, inflammatory flag-waving, fighting and murder. Community events have been earmarked that could break down the religious divide at Old Firm games, such as pre-match Caber Tossing, Haggis Hunting, Highland Dancing and opening local pubs for 36 hours a day, a move that is sure to receive a welcome in both camps.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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