Written by Monkey Woods

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Monday, 29 September 2008

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The consortium - or not?

The Nigerian consortium hoping to buy Newcastle United has told TheSpoof.com it is serious about its bid, and has already highlighted several improvements it would like to make to the ailing Tyneside club.

The man fronting the bid, a UK-based businessman, said the Nigerians feel that "there are not enough Nigerians at the club", and that a change from the black-and-white stripes to something more colourful, is long overdue.

And an all-green strip is preferred - like the Nigerian national team - with a change strip of Rastafarian red, gold and green.

Several bare-footed individuals are being rounded-up from various Lagos shanty camps to shore up the Magpies' woeful defence, and a ten-year-old striker to replace Michael Owen, who will be ransomed, as is the tradition in Nigeria.

Indeed, although the identities of the consortium are being kept secret, it's thought they are all successful kidnappers who have managed to extort huge sums of money from the proceeds of their heinous crimes.

A spokesman for the purchasers explained: "I will be doing all I can to bring these coal-coloured chappies to Newcastle."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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