Written by PP Rega
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Saturday, 27 September 2008

image for Yankee Cadavers Bid Fond Farewell to Yankee Stadium

The New York Yankee organization and its rowdy fans bade a fond farewell to historic Yankee Stadium when the Bronx Bombers beat the Baltimore Orioles in the last game to be played in the "House That Ruth Built." The score was 4-1, but it was insignificant compared to the festivities that occurred, especially after the game.

The pre-game fanfare was rather inauspicious since it had the same look as hundreds of Old Timers' games that have been played at the Stadium in the past. Yogi Berra was there...again. Whitey Ford was there...again. And Reggie Jackson was there...again. Even the present-day Yankees, such as Derek Jeter and A-Rod, were nodding off in the dugout when these Old-Timers hobbled out to the infield, incontinent and picking their noses.

However, this memorable occasion was saved by owner, George Steinbrenner once the Yanks beat the Orioles. It was just after the final Baltimore "out," when the Pin-Stripers traversed the infield wheeling the remains of deceased Yankee "greats." There they were in their exhumed, open coffins: The Mick, Joe D., The Babe, and other lesser lights. Overall, their "remains" were rather pitiful, all brown and dried up and semi-recognizable, but the fans cared not a whit. The hurrahs and huzzahs echoed across the Bronx and shattered windows as far away as Yonkers.

Obviously, Steinbrenner spared no expense to exhume these bodies from their eternal abode to grace the final day of baseball at the Stadium. Some professional body-snatchers estimated that the cost exceeded $250,000. But, looking at the wondrous expressions on the faces of the fans, it was well worth it.

However, on a bittersweet note, once the coffin, bearing the dessicated, pickled cadaver of old Number 7, Mickey Mantle, was jostled as it negotiated the pitcher's mound, Mickey's left arm fell off and was snatched by a passing pigeon. Reports that the arm is hanging from the earlobe of the George M. Cohan statue in Times Square have yet to be verified.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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