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Tuesday, 23 September 2008

image for Newcastle in Nigerian 419 scammer buyout
Ashley arrives in Lagos with the dosh.

Reports today in the UK national press that a major consortium of Nigerian businessmen are in plans to takeover Newcastle United, were in fact part of a 419 scam, it was later revealed.

Owner Mike Ashley had appointed London based Seymour Pierce to handle its takeover plans worldwide, when the shock announcement was made.

Said Mr Arlington Darlington of Seymour Pierce "We had an email through our system that suggested a group of Nigerian businessmen were interested in buying Newcastle United. it read "Seasons greetings my friend, We have £450Million pounds held in a secret Nigerian Bank vault which can only be released by your approval. We would like you to send us an £80k fee immediately to release the remainder of the funds to buy Newcastle United."

Mr Darlington went on "Considering no one else was interested in buying them, we rang Mike Ashley up and he said go for it. We followed it up and sent off our £80k only to be told that they couldn't release the funds because their neighbours pet dog hadn't issued a release certificate to the bank and could they send us another £80k to get the dog to agree"

"We sent off the other £80k via western Union and later received an email from these guys saying that their neighbours pet dog had died and that the owner of the dog was looking for compensation for his dogs stress. We duly agreed and sent off another £50k. We then received a release certificate from the dead dogs owner saying we could pick up the rest of the money if we flew out to Nigeria with another £50k in a suitcase"

"Mike Ashley duly arrived in Lagos to sell the club, only to be held at gunpoint for his money by the scammers, who reportedly told him that no one is daft enough to buy the club, even them"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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