Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 23 September 2008

image for Muhammad Ali To Captain Europe 2010 Ryder Cup Team
The US victory parade at Valhalla

Muhammad Ali, the former World Heavyweight Boxing Champion, has tonight been selected as the European team captain for the 2010 Ryder Cup event to be staged at the Celtic Manor Resort on the outskirts of Newport in South Wales.

Ali, who was introduced to the teams before play began in this year's event last Friday, doesn't play golf, but had a profound effect on some of the European players, with Padraig Harrington confessing that he thought he had seen the "black Jesus".

Strongly-fancied Europe surrendered the Cup to the US after a blistering series of singles losses, and captain Nick Faldo bore the brunt of the criticism, after he so often made catastrophic selection decisions which resulted in his team's annihilation.

Ali, who is 91, and suffers from Parkinson's Disease, said:

"I float like a bee, and sting like a...a...uh...erm...flutterby...I think."

On Europe's unexpected defeat, he philosophised:

"We all have to take defeats in life."

And the ex-champ told outgoing captain Faldo:

"No one knows what to say in the loser's locker room. Don't worry, if they can make penicillin out of mouldy bread, they can even make something out of you."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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