Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 13 September 2008

image for Kevin Keegan Back At Work At Newcastle United
Keegan prepares to sell his 'wares'

The Messiah has risen again! Just 8 days after tendering his resignation as manager of Newcastle United, Kevin Keegan is back in gainful employment at St James' Park this morning - as the guy who sells burgers outside the ground!

Keegan, 57, resigned after he realised he was not in control of team affairs, but was involved in surprise talks yesterday with Magpies' owner Mike Ashley, and his morning turned up at the ground in a battered old van, ready to sell his wares.

Newcastle play Hull City today, and fans will be lining the route from the town to the ground, six deep, and all with a kind word for the ex-Messiah.

Keegan came up with the clever ruse, when he saw Sunderland boxer Tony Roberts on the telly during the Olympic Games. The bronze medal winner works outside the Stadium Of Light on match days, and does a mean Hot Dog.

Keegan, with his affinity with the Geordie fans, and his understanding of what the folk on Tyneside really want, is sure to be a success, and supporters who had heard the great news, were already queueing outside the van from 6am this morning.

One loyal fan, Oiky Milburn, who has been following the Magpies for '120 years', said:

"Why aye! I'd buy owt from King Kevun. Even a dollop o' shite in a bun!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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