Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 9 September 2008

image for Paralympics Chaos: Witnesses Sought After Horrific Pile-up

There was chaos at the Beijing Paralympics yesterday, when, during the 5000m wheelchair extravaganza, several chariots collided with each other and other vehicles, causing a pile-up of gargantuan proportions.

Edith Hunkeler, of Switzerland, caused the crash when she tried to run her team-mate, Sandra Graf, off the track. They collided, and fell out of their chairs. At that exact moment an 18-wheel juggernaut entered the stadium and ploughed into all of them. An express train also flashed down the home straight, narrowly missing several other 'spathletes'.

Britain's Shelly Woods, my sister, swerved around the bodies laying all across the track, to take the silver medal, but, following an appeal by three separate teams, the race will be re-run, and Shelly had to hand her medal back.

A fleet of 16 ambulances ferried the casualties - including two trackside marshals - to three local hospitals. All were later released, said medical staff, with no serious injuries other than those with which they started the race.

The Chinese authorities have appealed for witnesses to the comedy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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