United Nations manager Ban Ki-Moon admits his side may have been tactically naive and shouldn't even have been on the pitch during the last round of the Anglo-American Name Claiming Championships.
Peacekeepers were called to the touchline as Brits and Americans fought each other over in a classic dispute over the use of the word 'football'. It took just 45 seconds for the first insult to be hurled from the British team with,"Foot and ball means NO HANDS - we hate soccer, we hate soccer!"
The crowd went wild until a Yankee picked up a ball and pitched it across the centre thus proving anything was possible in a free society and shouting "Like we care about a bunch of limey pedants".
This was too much for the British supporters who, wounded at being referred to as a 'bunch' began throwing their plastic seats on to the pitch. Adopting classic Mock-intelligent Tudor tactics, they began chanting "Thou rotund illegitimates!". It became end-to-end stuff and the US resorted to their classic long-ball attack with " Look at your Poxy Country GDP figures!"
In order to prevent ugly scenes becoming all convivial again, numbers of the UN were drafted in but their 5-3-1 formation simply wasn't adequate and after 20 minutes of being pelted with cynicism, Ban Ki-Moon withdrew his team and promised a return to 4-4-2 or whatever it took to look good.