Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 7 September 2008

image for Kevin Keegan Secures New Post Holding Joey Barton's Coat
Barton at training last week

There was better news today for the ex-Toon hero Kevin Keegan when, after having resigned from the Newcastle United manager's job last week, he was offered a new job: Holding Joey Barton's Coat.

Barton, still a player at United, albeit with a six-match ban, is a rabble-rouser, a trouble-causer, a bit 'handy', pushy, a 'lad', good with his fists ... temperamental, know what I mean?

He regularly gets into fights, and is always in need of someone to 'hold his coat'.

The last time Barton got into a 'scuffle', it ended in a jail sentence, and prior to that, he left Man City team-mate Ousmane Dabo with his face 'caved-in'. On both occasions, he was wearing a jacket, and believes he could have done so much more damage had he had a 'second' to hold his apparel for him.

Ex-boss Keegan regarded himself as something of a father-figure to Barton at Newcastle, defended him in front of the Newcastle board, and stood by him when he emerged from the nick recently. Now King Kev is to support the lad permanently as he follows him around, waiting for him to explode.

The job is Full Time, 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, 52-weeks-a-year.
You get the idea.

Said Keegan:

"I'm lookin forward to it. He's a nice lad, wears his heart on his sleeve, but there's nuthin wrong with that. He's got a fiery temperament, but he gives it his all, and you can't ask for anythin more than that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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