Written by Oscar Digital
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Saturday, 6 September 2008

image for Moodstock: Juande and Tunde play 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'
Ramos first tested out his attire on Dimitar Berbatov, pictured.

Tottenham Hotspur manager Juande Ramos joined easy listening veteran Tunde Baiyewu onstage on Saturday afternoon to perform a cover version of U2 song 'Sunday Bloody Sunday' at a fund raising event for bipolar disorder sufferers.

Tunde, once half of the "musical" group the Lighthouse Family, and Juande, once part of a successful management team, received a rapturous reception from the few members of the audience who were not heavily sedated on medication.

It is believed that Ramos was sounded out by the organisers of Moodstock after discovering that the Spanish swooner has taken to lifting the spirit of his Spurs squad by serenading them with Shakespearean sonnets. He was more than happy to oblige, as translated by his assistant coach Gus Poyet.

"To sing is to dream, to float in the effervescent stream of hope, to fly above the heartless abyss of mortality."

There were suggestions that Tunde's preferred choice for a guest vocalist was former Tottenham defender Jason Cundy. He attempted to clarify the allegations.

"It was just a case of crossed wires. When we approached Juande on the Monday he was on holiday in Zimbabwe. It's a squad game these days. We needed cover for his position so we asked Cundy on the Tuesday. By Wednesday Juande was back from Zimbabwe after a 2-day plane delay and on Thursday we realised we couldn't pay Cundy till the following Monday so he suggested the cheaper option of Alex Rae. We didn't consider that option."

However the performance did not pass without controversy as Ramos appeared on stage wearing a straitjacket as a sartorial nod to the victims of extreme bipolar disorder. Fearing the move could invoke a frosty reception from disgruntled observers he sought to express himself through the medium of facial gestures, including poised eye brow elevation and jaw clenching. Admitting defeat, Gus Poyet was forced to intervene and offer a verbal explanation.

"In life we are all victims of solace, of circumstance, of powers that wish to crush our spirit. But we must stand strong. This season we are in the UEFA cup. And every week we must play on the Sunday. This is wrong. But we must fight. And for this we bring to you our song. We must believe. That in future we will not play on Saturday. Not on Sunday. Bloody Sunday."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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