Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 5 September 2008

image for Newcastle United Latest: Gazza On Way Back?
Madness at St James' Gazza: Ying tong iddle I po

The latest, and maddest, news from Newcastle after the resignation of Kevin Keegan, is that Northeast legend Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne could be on his way back to Tyneside, this time as team manager!

Mr Gascoigne has been living in a police cell since 'losing his marbles' last year, and dancing naked on the bar at a local pub. Not the sort of preparation, you would imagine, for a management role. Or is it?

Events at Newcastle recently have closely resembled those from scenes of Spike Milligan's Q series, and employing Gazza as team boss wouldn't be that much of a leap for fat owner Mike Ashley, especially as the Toon Goon is also an extraordinary Lagermeister, and might fit in rather well.

The Geordie midfielder already has experience of management, albeit at non-league Kettering Town, but, as most executive decisions are made by chirpy Cockney Dennis Wise anyway, his lack of ability presumably wouldn't be an issue.

Gascoigne is expected to have been installed as manager in time for the Premier League match with Hull City on September 13th, and to have either resigned, or been sacked, shortly after it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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