Newcastle UK: Reports coming out of Gateshead are that a shock takeover bid has come in at the 11th hour for the troubled football club Newcastle United.
A consortium calling itself The Old Newcastle Group United Plc controversially sent in a late bid of £657.36p to owner Mike Ashley. Ashley was apparently considering the bid as he owes around £600 to his local Thoroughgoods Off License.
The Group, headed by P.J & Duncans very own Ant Mcpartlin, Declan Donnelly and the rival gang from Byker Grove, The Denton Burn were busy selling Cakes & Raffle Tickets outside Debenhams in the city centre.
Said Mcpartlin - "Ah divna knaw boot anyone else like, but am sick of the controversy surroondin our club and decided enuff was enuff like"
Donnelly chipped in - "We're ganna perform as PJ & Duncan in a worldwide toour & do a re-release of 'Let's get ready to rumble' into the charts in an effort to raise the money to buy oot Mike Ashley. We have settled our differences with The Denton Burns leader Dave Richmond and are forming a pact to enable the takeover"
Dave Richmond of the legendary Denton Burn commented - "It's time after all these years to put our differences aside and stop the bickering that has constantly beset us. We plan to select Keagan, that's Geoff Keagan, the youth team leader of the famed Byker Grove series as our manager. We had approached Jossies Giants manager Jossy Blair, but he has now moved on and now owns a chippy in Whitley Bay and he told us to fuck off and behave"
Kevin Keegan, upon hearing of the latest takeover bid, was reported to have said that he fully backed the takeover bid - "I'd Love it, just love it if the Byker Grove & Denton Burns Boys got together in this exciting venture to buy out that fat twat Ashley and short arse Wise, I might even get me boots on to play for them"