Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 4 September 2008

image for Paralympics To Be As Big As Olympics - But More Scary!
Disabled swimmer Adolf Inne with his sexy coach Helge Hump

After the sensational spectacle of the Beijing Olympic Games, now comes the Paralympics on Saturday, and the organisers are saying they expect them to be every bit as good as the main Games, and a damned sight more uncomfortable for those who are a bit squeamish!

People from all over the world will be viewing from behind their sofas, and with their hands covering their eyes, as the disabled and disfigured athletes try to get to grips with sports that were initially designed to be undertaken by able-bodied athletes.

Oscar Pistorius, the South African sprinter is, perhaps, the best-known of these athletes, running, as he does, on 'mechanical springs' reminiscent of Zebedee from The Magic Roundabout.

Other disabled competitors will attempt to throw things, swim, 'jump', 'run' and ride horses, all whilst lacking a limb or two, and whilst serving mainly to churn your stomach with the pitifulness of it all.

Viewers will be sick, will faint, and will cry at some of the most frightening scenes ever to be seen outside of a Wes Craven horror movie, and all TV coverage will carry an 18 certificate.

Despite all this, the athletes are to be commended for their humanity, determination and, most of all, dignity, in pursuing their goals and ambitions, and I, for one, applaud them in their supreme efforts.

Fortunately, for myself, I am able to do so with two hands.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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