Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 3 September 2008

image for Kevin Keegan: Business As Usual
Keegan leaves St James' Park (artists impression)

After yesterday's shenanigans on Tyneside, and the uncertainty over whether Kevin Keegan had been sacked or had walked out, it emerged today that absolutely NOTHING had happened, and Mr Keegan will report for work as usual this morning.

Fans converged on St James' Park to show their support for the grey-haired, 57-year-old Toon loon, and their anger towards Magpies owner, fat bloke Mike Ashley. A statement released by Ashley on the club's website said:

"Newcastle United have not dismissed Kevin Keegan. He is still very much part of our future plans."

Then later, a friend of Mr Keegan said that the ex-England player and manager had not walked out on Newcastle either, so it seems that he wasn't sacked, and he didn't walk out!
Oh! How these little incidents get blown up out of all proportion! Or do they?

Sir Freddie Shepherd, no longer in authority at the club, but still privvy to most of what goes on there, revealed that although Keegan hadn't been sacked, and hadn't walked out, his job description had very much changed, and he will this morning, be familiarising himself with the players' boots.

Denis Wise may move up the rankings.

Keegan may, instead, choose the £8million compensation package, and 'retire' again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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