Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Saturday, 30 August 2008

image for 2012 Olympics Begin Early, China Already Ahead By 10 Gold Medals

The 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics are a sweet memory for some countries such as the U.S. and China, or an embarrassment for the likes of Togo and Moldova, who were expecting to get more than one medal and 10 ass-kickings each.

Worry not, Togo, because even though the 2012 London Olympics haven't even begun, China already has 10 gold medals, taking an early ten to nothing nothing nothing nothing etc. start.

"Of course we are not cheating," China's Olympic panel spokesman, Wu Who, told reporters. "We are simply ready to begin our global domination. Of sports."

When told that the Games are still 4 years away, and every single country must wait until 2012 to participate, not to mention that the Games are going to be in London, not China again, Wu Who replied ominously,

"Perhaps London will be part of China in 2012. Therefore, as London is in China, we can begin the next Olympics immediately."

Wu Who was asked what drugs he was on, but continued, nevertheless.

"Some have claimed that our gymnastics team consisted of 14-year old girls, rather than the minimum 16 years of age. I say to you that that is irrelevant, because in 2012 our team will have 18-year olds on it, but since we have already begun the 2012 Olympics, they are of legal age. It is all a matter of perspective."

A reporter from Moldova stood up and told Who from his perspective it was still 2008 and it was just another case of the Chinese cheating.

"If you agree that the 2012 Olympics have already begun, I will give Modolva two shiny bronze medals," Who said.

After some consideration, the Moldovan reporter jumped up shouting happily, "You got a deal! In your face, U.S.A.! Modolva Number 2! Moldova Number 2!"

By my calculations China should have 1460 gold medals before the 2012 Olympics Games in London, China begin for real.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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