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Monday, 25 August 2008

image for Fart to Gold in London 2012
Ingrid Parp - Swedish Junior Champ

Olympic Chiefs have decided to include Farting into the London 2012 Olympic Games.

The Olympic Panel Committee agreed unanimously that if they were going to have silly events like Gymnastic Ribbon Twirling & Synchronized Swimming in the Olympics, then Farting is a viable option.

The event will include many different disciplines of Farting: Men's, Women's and mixed doubles catagories. 3 judges will award points for Odour, pitch, tone and style of delivery. A shit is immediately disqualified. Each competitor will be randomly tested for banned substances such as: Sprouts, Curry, Chilli, Bombay Mix and Baked Beans. Each Farter will also be inspected by a qualified Proctologist to ensure there has been no surgical enhancement. Each competitor will mount the Farting Podium, grip the pole and will have 60 seconds to perform. There are several Catagories: Freestyle, Power Endurance, Synchronized Formation, Squat-thrust, Power Blast & Marathon.

6 times UK Champion, Archibald 'The Trumpet' Griswald is thrilled, he said "it'll be fantastic to represent Great Britain in 2012. Efforts must be doubled and i'm gonna practice 'til I prolapse! And it'll be nice to be around people again, I have so few friends you see". Griswald's closest nemesis is likely to be Helmet Trumpzenburger, nicknamed 'The Cologne Colon'. He is expected to make a full recovery from Rectal surgery after severely ripping himself in the recent German National Championships whilst delivering a squeaker/rasper combination in the final fart-off. He has already started full training on a combination of mushy peas, Sauerkraut, Frankfurters and Dr Pepper.

Seb Coe, who himself is known to be quite handy in the trouser department and regularly 'turns out' for his local pub team, has welcomed the news. "It's going to be a tremendous spectacle", said Lord Coe "I've already booked The Gas Club in Croydon. We will need to improve the ventilation though"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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