Written by Monkey Woods

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Thursday, 21 August 2008

image for Bigfoot Settles For Silver Medal In Beijing
In the sand. Phillips Idowu, or is it Idowu Phillips?

The 'real Bigfoot' capped an extraordinary year with a disappointing end for himself at the Bird's Nest in Beijing tonight, when he could only claim a silver medal in the Olympic Triple Jump event.

Phillips Idowu, whose name is the wrong way around, jumped 17.62m, a full 5cm less than eventual winner, some Pedro from Portugal. The Hackney jumpist was unbeaten all year, but just couldn't use his big feet to the best advantage.

Phillips, or is it Idowu?, has massive size 18 feet, whilst the Portugeezer has only size 12s. The extra foot length should have been enough to carry the Briton to victory, but, alas, on the night the 'shoe was on the other foot'.

It was summed up by the Triple Jump world record holder, Jonathan Edwards, who said:

"It's not enough just to have big feet. It's all about competing at the highest level. Phillips, or is it Idowu?, has got to learn that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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