Written by The Hack
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Friday, 15 August 2008

image for Rooney's Nigerian Granny Shag-a-thon
Wayne was unavailable for comment

Serial granny shagging, Football fat boy Wayne Rooney has been up to his old tricks again while in Nigeria.

After returning to England, Wayne was said to have picked up a "stomach bug" from the local cuisine!

But we can exclusively reveal it was not the food that crocked Wayne! But his penchant for "rimming", that left him with the squits!

During a good will visit to a local village by the MAN U team, Wayne took part in his favourite sex act with 97 year old Mbogo Dringa.

We asked Mrs Dringa how her and Wayne came to do the dirty deed? "i had been away from the village to fetch water, during my 4 hour trip Wayne had already been with my 17 younger sisters" she continued that on her return she heard a squeaky voice shout "ey its dat woman from da Kiora adverts".

"he waddled over and offered me copies of OK magazine for some snuggling, we went into my hut but he wasn't interested in boom boom, he bent me over and licked my devil hole for about 5 minutes, i tried to tell him that i havent wiped it for 37 years, but that made him lick harder!"

We asked Slurr Alice Ferguson his view on these revelations at a recent press conference.

"It's preposterous," he slurred. "The only ring Wayne licks is mine! Next question?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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