Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 19 July 2008

image for Manchester United A Pale Shadow Of Their Former Selves After Draw With Kaiser Chiefs
Rooney! Rooney! Rooney! Rooney! Ah aah aah aah!

Manchester United, the Premier League Champions, will have to show a marked improvement if they are to mount a serious challenge to retain their title, after a lacklustre performance against Leeds-based side the Kaiser Chiefs.

The Reds, playing in ruby, drew 1-1 at Elland Road, with Chris Eagles scoring the equaliser on 59 minutes after the home side had taken the initiative with a penalty in the first half.

The result is made even more unbelievable when one realises that the Chiefs are just a five-piece indie outfit with vocalist Ricky Wilson being joined by Andrew White on guitar, Simon Rix on bass, Nick Baines on keyboards and Nick Hodgson on drums. They havent even got a goalkeeper.

The game was a torrid affair watched by a truly angry mob, and, at one point, the teams had to leave the field for three minutes when the referee predicted a riot.

United manager Sir Alex Ferguson showed his feelings after the game when he sang:

"Every day I love United less and less!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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