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Friday, 11 July 2008

image for Frank Lampard: Charity Saint
Wayne Rooney: A member of Lampard's charity. Out of shot: Colleen eyes up a solid gold tracksuit in shop window...

Frank Lampard has revealed to respected German Newspaper Wunter Under Meijer that he founded his own charity after receiving his first payslip from West Ham. Lampard took a moment to put down the Pukka Pies and go into detail with Wunter...

''I feel that I've taken a lot from the fans. Ever since I've been a pro I've been paid with their money, not to mention the fact that anyone who sits in the very top rows of the stadium can expect to be hit by some of my shots several times in any given game. So I decided to set up Frank Against Treatment Bias And Social Tension Aggrivating Rural Distress in order to give something back to the community. F.A.T.B.A.S.T.A.R.D. has been an unexpected success.

It's emerged that Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez are also - ahem - ''heavily'' involved in Lampard's charity.

Tevez had this to say: ''Of course I'm delighted to be a member of the F.A.T.B.A.S.T.A.R.D. charity, but you should really congratulate Frank and Wayne. I've only been a F.A.T.B.A.S.T.A.R.D. since I joined United, Wayne's been one for years and Frank literally wrote the book''

Rooney, however, shrugged off his team-mate's praise. ''I wouldn't say I'm the top F.A.T.B.A.S.T.A.R.D... Sure, I might be high profile, but Frank has that insatiable hunger in his belly, he'll be a F.A.T.B.A.S.T.A.R.D. until the day he dies.''

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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