Written by Igor Biscanator
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Wednesday, 9 July 2008

image for Steve to Receive Key to the City
Bennett was delighted "Scholesey" found time to sign his cards

After years of dedicated service to his boyhood team, and an undeniable, almost unprecedented level of involvement in their success it was announced that the key to the city was to be awarded to Steve Bennett.

The city was awash with red on the big day with the thousands of "fans" showing up to acknowledge their heroes efforts in helping Utd retain the title.

Greenpeace, however, condemned the proceedings with a spokesperson saying: "The number of airmiles clocked up from the great distances these fans have had to travel is appalling. In an age where we are environmentally aware it would have been more sensible to hold the event in the south of England or China.

"Add to that the devastating effect the free finger food buffet has had on the already dangerously low levels of prawn stocks in our seas and it is an environmental catastrophe waiting to happen!"

Despite these criticisms organisers acclaimed the event as a massive success.

Managers and players alike paid tribute to Mr Bennett. Ferguson noting "When he was on the field in our matches it it was like we where playing with an extra man, such was his amazing contribution."

Bentiez added "He gives them lots of options, he takes no nonsense from players playing for teams against his beloved Utd and gives them lots of protection", Wenger was unable to comment as he didn't see the ceremony, Avram Grant was also unavailable for comment as he was preparing his nest for winter hibernation.

When asked about the accolade Mr Bennett happily declared "Its been a dream come true to be acknowledged, I worked so hard for this all season and its just fantastic that my contribution has been noticed and appreciated by so many. I cant wait to ring Scholsey and tell him. He promised me an evening out on him should anything like this happen, and that it was the least he could do after all I have done for him and his team this season gone."

Ronaldo also added "Now he can do his dirty laundry in public, much the same as I have done in trying to go my beloved Real Madrid. We truly are kindred spirits."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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